Midnight Ponderings

A face backs away, backs out
while I turn a corner,
making for my destination.
The buildings on my side fall past
and then away.
Their distance only reminds of the loneliness
that I enforce.
A cry echoes
off those distant, brick shells,
but in the hollow, faded remnant that reaches my ears
I cannot distinguish joy from agony.
I do not stop.
The buildings return to my side.
But I know what they are now
and their presence offers
no consolation.
A string of curses is thrown idly,
and in passing,
though I committed no offense.
I think I've arrived.
A laugh escapes, but neither for me
nor from me.
Can one really lose a friend, or
is that person just misplaced?
What makes a good one,
anyway,
and what makes one best?

Then the less often asked,
what makes one better?

Wonder.

What is wonder?

How does one wonder?
What is wonderful?
And what is wonderful?

      I love wondering, I think mostly because it never ends. When wondering, you are wandering a path in your head with no intended destination. In fact, the path is so wide, so long, and so high off the ground that you can never explore the entire thing. It's not even a place we should be able to get to! The beauty of the wonder-filled journey is that it cannot have a finishing point and very often also lacks a starting point. How do you really begin to wonder? The entire point of wondering is thinking about something that is too great to grasp - too great to even begin to consider how much we cannot know about it!
      Unfortunately, the wondering of this world has become focused on things and experiences to the point that 'wonderful' no longer has any significant meaning. We attempt to measure wonder with reason and then label objects according to their wonderfulness. Instead, we should recognize these things as good, as blessings for which we can be thankful. But our wondering should be reserved for those things that are truly wonderful.

Wonder. And let your mind wander.

Psalm

You,
  Whose Eyes glow
      as flames and embers everlasting,
  Whose face shines continually
      with the smile of Your precious favor,
  Only You are worthy
      of holy worship and proclamation,
So I will dance before my God;
  I will live and play in Your brilliance
      and dwell in Your delight.

Who am I,
  that you see me?
Who am I,
  that you know who I am?
And you've made me in your likeness!

Times are Changing

A week and a half, that's it. Then this chapter of my life is over. So much change in so little time: location, living situation, friends, schedules, activities... pretty much my whole life.

My mind swims from feelings of sadness to those of intense excitement, between the regret of treasures lost and anticipation of adventures waiting to be found. How does one even schedule time now? Or choose between friends to see? For that matter, which friendships will actually withstand these changes? Will I find friends as close as those I have now? What new opportunities will I find? And how will I deal with those lost?

So many questions, so many unanswerable variables... and yet, somehow I know it's going to be fantastic. These worries are already seeming to pass as I ask God for peace, and I know that He holds me and protects me as His own son. You tell me... what greater security can I ask for?!